by Gloria Ng, The Feng Shui Gal
In stepping up to life partnership, both people in the relationship are learning each other's languages and interpreting on multiple levels. What happens when things get lost in translation? In my first two life partnerships, we attempted to sort through hours of “talking about it” or we hired a third party (e.g., relationship counselor, psychotherapist, love coach) to mediate it. The language of love gets lost in the cerebral affair of attempting to put love into terms that can be talked about when in reality feelings are feelings and are rarely a result of our rationalizations.
Feelings are real and are a whole other dimension to human reality. You can't just reason away that someone is not angry or sad. They just are and that is just how they are feeling right now. The moment that triggered the feeling no longer matters. Now, it is a matter of acknowledging the feeling, not fixing it, yet not harboring it.
When problems arise, instead of focusing on how to fix them with talking, experiment with putting your attention on something else that uplifts both of you. Remember, there is no stagnancy in feng shui. Energy just wants to move. You either go up or go down. So choose to go up instead. For instance, if both of you love to take walks in nature, then do more of it. If both of you love praying together, then do that. Just don’t constantly look at that piece of hair in the sink or that spotty mirror and justify that the relationship is not working for you. Think of what you’d like to offer for your own happiness as well as the happiness of the other person.
What I am not advocating is staying in a relationship with an alcoholic gambler, drug abuser, or other fill-in-the-blank deal-breaker. Only you know what qualifies as a deal-breaker. I am not telling you to stay in a relationship that drains you of energy and vitality. If you choose to stay in a relationship that tests your deal-breaking boundaries, then notice what you are or are not willing to do. You need to draw the line for yourself. Don’t expect another person to change for you. Only you can change yourself and the course of your destiny. When you draw upon your inner faith and strength, you will find the resources you need to help yourself emerge from the situation.
Deal-breakers aside, may you both continue to cultivate and grow in joy and pleasure!
More feng shui pleasure tips at http://fengshuigal.com/secret
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by Gloria Ng, The Feng Shui Gal
Being in a relationship can have its trials and tribulations. It is hard to feel sexy or lovable sometimes, especially when we feel crushed in a relationship or by circumstances we are facing in our lives at the moment. Women may ask the strangest questions and fault our partners. Among these questions are:
1. Do you notice anything different? This question is a set-up for failure. If your partner does not notice anything different or guesses “wrong,” how would you feel? Get to the point about what you are really asking.
2. How do I look? Please don't ask this question. You're not being clear about what feedback you really desire. If your partner gives you feedback that you were not looking for, can you really handle what you hear from your partner?
3. Is something wrong? This is yet another vague question. If your partner has just gotten home and is quite fatigued, the best remedy is rest. Don't go harping on how your partner may or may not desire you at that inopportune moment.
The underlying theme to all these questions is to be specific and secure in yourself. This ultimately means that the most important person in any relationship is YOU. This is truly feng shui from the heart.
You need to source your own sex appeal and loveliness. No one else can give it to you. This goes beyond costumes, lingerie, and body paint. The key ingredient here is confidence. Confidence makes you sexy. Be your own source of confidence and approval.
If you are looking for pleasure, then seek to pleasure yourself. A woman who knows what pleasure is and indulges in pleasure is very enticing. When I notice myself getting upset, I switch radio stations and tune into how I can give myself pleasure in that moment. Sometimes it can be a luxurious afternoon beauty rest. Sometimes it can be a walk in the drizzling rain to breathe in the fresh clean crisp air. Sometimes, it can just be putting on music and dancing to my own sense of beat in the shower or kitchen. When you learn to generate this sense of being loved and being the beloved, you become it and attract it to you.
More feng shui tips at http://fengshuigal.com/secret |
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by Gloria Ng, The Feng Shui Gal
Being “swept away” is a common image, theme, and word use in our cultural lexicon of romantic love. You go to the movies and the curtain starts blowing, the wind brushes her hair, or the lady is swooped to a love nest. Feng shui is a mix of heaven and earth energy. As human beings, we are an ever-changing chameleon or elixir of these energies. The more grounded and rooted we are, the more we can drink in the life force in the “heavens” or air around us. Thus, being grounded in any relationship means being able to stand on your own two feet.
In fact, you are in your power in any relationship when you stand on your own two feet.
Check yourself: Do you often ask too many people for too much advice before moving ahead, if at all? Do you have a way of centering yourself and advancing forward in your life? Do you tend to lean on or cling to your partner to make your choices for you? Do you have your own life as well as a shared life with your partner?
Notice: Who is really making your choices when you are in the relationship—your friends, your parents, or you? This is the bottom line question.
Although I encourage you to be in your power, I do not advocate isolating yourself from friends and family and making your world revolve around you and your partner only.
Here is a concrete example. For me, when I made the choice to advance with my husband, I knew that I wanted a “personal advisory board.” After my second life partnership disintegrated, when I went back to share my grief with those who knew me well who had also met him, these dear friends and family of mine shared that they did not like him but did not know how to tell me. So I immediately recruited them to be on my personal advisory board for my next serious relationship. At the very beginning of my relationship, when I first started dating my husband, I consulted with three people about whether to continue onto the third date. I also wanted to be sure that my own intuition was correct this time by having my husband meet my personal advisory board members. His character passed with flying colors. I had my official stamp of approval.
So I not only checked in with myself, I also made sure that I had a pre-selected community feedback loop to ensure I was not “gone with the wind.” This will ensure your relationship victory. More relationship tips at http://fengshuigal.com/secret |
by Gloria Ng, The Feng Shui Gal
We’ve all had our ups and downs with family, friends, lovers, colleagues, and people in our communities. When people talk about relationships, they’re mostly talking about their love relationships, so this article will focus on love. What's feng shui got to do with it? Our love life will suffer if we do not address this issue: You need to ask yourself if you are really ready to be a significant other.
Notice that I did not write up if you are ready to welcome someone as a significant other. This subtlety is important: why find love anywhere else if you can source it? When you are the significant other, there is no one and nowhere else to look except within yourself for this. If you are welcoming a new love or spicing up an existing relationship, take a look at where you stand with this question to yourself. When you start from yourself, that is truly feng shui from the inside out.
Let me get this concept into actual real life terms by providing my own example. Once upon a time, I thought I was open to a life partnership. In fact, I failed twice and did not reach the happily ever after.
How did I fail?
Well, I was still used to my single way of life. In my first life partnership, I was still living with my folks and sleeping in a twin size bed. In my second life partnership, although the two of us actually moved in and lived together, we were sharing not one but two twin size mattresses! It’s funny to think of it now how obviously unprepared and unwilling I really was in accepting a mate for life. By the time I prepared myself to be a significant other, I went out to purchase a full-size mattress that I vowed I would only share with my true life mate. Sure enough, my husband was the only one who came into the picture and has slept on that bed.
Another way this single way of life can show up to sabotage your efforts is through the kinds of images and things you may have around you. Investigate: Do you have pairs of things around you? Do you have pairs of bowls and plates and cups? Do you have pairs of toothbrushes, one for you and one for your potential or existing mate?
So look around you and see if you are overlooking some of these hints in your immediate environment. Then go out and make the change!
More feng shui love tips at http://fengshuigal.com/secret
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